- Chat made decisions for OneShots during this Marathon Stream edition of One Shots. Non-Canon
The cast start off playing farmers, living on their farms in the same farming village (pop 150). The temple bells from the village temple ringing in alarm. Everyone converges to the call. The Mayor of the village is in front of the temple, standing on a box. The Mayor announces that Little Jimmy spotted some Orcs have been seen to the north in the forest near the hills. The Mayor recruits the player characters as the party.
The party head to Jeff's farm and arm themselves with farming equipment. Mr Xcena ties a flag to his pitchfork, believing in some fictional empire he is protecting. Ezekiel summons 5 of his hunting dogs. Bob gets a shovel. Christian gets a hoe. Ezekiel carries some nails to use as punching weapons.
- Anonymous Donation: Hunting Dogs are now Chihuahuas.
Ezekiel is surrounded by his 5 Chihuahua hunting dogs.
- Kaiennyy Donation: All the Chihuahuas have 3 legs because equal opportunity hiring
- Neal: That is ridiculous. ONE of the Chihuahuas has 3 legs
The party make some improvised shields out of barrel lids for a couple of hours.
- Hakezu Donation: You guys hear the cries of the Orcs close towards the farm village
- MCJROCK Donation: One of the Players have to say a catchphrase and say it every-time they hit and kill
- Kaiennyy Donation: The barrel lids are rotting
The party hear the sound of strange beasts coming from the village, and the improvised shields are rotting from water exposure. The party rush off towards the village. Mr Xcena now has the catchphrase "I have pieced you like I pieced your mother."
- Anonymous Donation: First combat rolls for all PCs/NPCs are changed to 1s
- Druagamaniac Donation: The strange beasts are now hellhound/chihuahua hybrids
- Neal: No. You can't mate Hellhounds and Chihuahuas. And not for $1
- Terratyrant Donation: All Orcs are inexplicably attractive female orcs.
The party spy 3 female orcs walking towards the village. None of the Orcs is armoured, but each carry a crude spear. The farmers find the orcs inexplicably attractive.
Jeff tells the party to get calm, the Orcs aren't being violent. Ezekiel sends in one of his chihuahua, Bubbles, in to greet the orcs. Bubbles runs up to the Orcs, yapping incessantly.
- Kaiennyy Donation: One of the Orcs hits on (Jeff)
- Hakezu Donation: You guys hear rustling in the trees behind the sexy female orcs
- Xzerobi Donation: Suddenly a gnome runs past carrying 2 chickens and the orcs get startled by this.
Bubbles is very charismatic and the Orcs start to pet bubbles, as the party hear a noise from behind the orcs. Out from behind the orcs jumps a gnome carrying 2 living chickens in each hand, bolting past the orcs, towards the Farming Village. Mr Xcena goes to attack the gnome, who he thinks is a chicken thief, but misses, and says his catchphrase.
- StroupDog Donation: "Mother" changes to "Father" in the catch phrase.
The gnome kicks Jeff in the shins. Bob goes to hit the gnome with a shovel, but misses. The Orcs back up from the situation. The gnome then walks towards the Farming Village, now he is past the Orcs.
- JennyHell Donation: The Orc's Spears change into handbags.
- Kaiennyy Donation: An army of chickens comes running after the gnome.
- Xzerobi Donation: On a d5 the pants/trousers of a party member fall down; this erouses the Orcs!
- Neal: Xzerobi. No. That is too far out of hand
The party realise the orcs aren't carrying spears but spike leather handbags they swing around like a morning star.
Ezekiel walks up to the orcs with his hands up and says they can "keep bubbles if they leave us alone". One of the Orcs explains that they are looking for food. Mr Xcena agrees to hand over bubbles as an offering of food.
A flood of chickens come out of the woods and rush towards the orcs. The orcs start attacking the orcs, swiping their battle handbags at them. The gnome stops walking and runs at full speed in terror.
Ezekiel pulls out a warhorn and blows it, and yells charge, with his dogs following behind him. The dogs start immediately attacking the chickens. Everyone then attack the chickens. The group defeat some of the chickens, but the rest go into the farming village after the Gnome.
- Killersquid Donation: Dogs get stuck in mud
- JennyHell Donation: The owner of the chickens comes running in, furious that the gnome has stolen two and let the others go.
- Pyorosan Donation: A 1hp guy runs out of town and tries to attack the Orcs. A group of people shout after him: "No Leroy!"
Ezekiel hands over some of the dead chickens to the orcs for food. The Orcs explain that Kobolds had raided their food storage, which is why the Orcs came south to the Farming Village trade for food. The Kobolds broke in during the night then fled with what they could to the West.
The party offer to help deal with the Kobolds.
An older boy comes running out of the village with a rock in hand, charging in at the orcs, and throws the rock, and missing. The Orcs go on the defence and swing their battle handbags around.
Jeff confronts Leeroy, the nephew of the Mayor, about what he did, and Leeroy claims the Orcs were there to kill them. Jeff points out the orcs are here to do business, not fight. Jeff then shoves Leeroy to return to village, to tell his uncle about the business deal they set up.
- Shippendale Donation: The rock was actually a bouquet of roses.
- Neal: I can't retcon that, it won't make any sense.
- Gnintendo Donation: One of the orcs charms Bob with her womanliness
- StroupDog Donation: I want a Beholder. I don't care when, but there must be one
Jeff goes back to the Orcs to apologise for Leeroy's actions. Bob resists the charm with a willpower check. Ezekiel goes looking for Bubbles and finds the dog alive, under the arms of one of the orcs. Ezekiel tells Bubbles to be a good girl for the Orcs, his new owners.
The Orcs will return tomorrow to negotiate a trade for more food since they have no food supplies and winter is on the way.
- Anonymous Donation: Each PC rolls a d20; roll of 1 = struck by lightning
- Monalfie Donation: The Mayor is secretly in league with the kobolds.
- MCJROCK Donation: It starts raining chocolate milk
- Neal: I can't make it rain chocolate milk, but it does start raining.
The party head back into the Farming Village as it starts to rain. They head to the Mayor's Workshop where he works as a carpenter. The small Farming Village of 150 people means that being Mayor isn't a full time position in this small village. The mayor is working on a wooden chair for a client in the next town over.
Jeff explains the situation to the Mayor, explaining it is in their best interests to do the trade as they don't want the orcs to get desperate and attack. Mayor agrees, thinking this is a great idea. Jeff suggests they also trade with the Orcs for weapons so they can defend the town better.
Xcena's Pickfork-Flag then gets struck by lightning, then hitting Tyrian Xcena. Xcena is knocked off his feet, thrown 30 feet. As Xcena goes unconscious he says a modification of his catchphrase: "It has pieced me, like have I have pieced it's father."
Jeff suggests to the party that they keep a watch out on the Farming Town over night, as Xcene is taken home by a villager and rests. The night is uneventful.
- Uberarticuno Donation: Bob is secretly a Pokemon master (If you won't allow that, when his health drops bellow 0 for the first time, he instantly revives at full health and doesn't know why.)
- Neal: Pokemon not real, but the revive is allowed
- Kaiennyy Donation: Pokemon are now real and the chihuahuas are now pikachus.
- Neal: No Kaiennyy. Bad Kaiennyy
In the afternoon a pack of 6 orcs walks towards the Farming Village down from the north. One of the Orcs is one of the Orc women from yesterday, who is carrying Bubbles under her arm.
The Mayor walks up to the party, and they go together to meet with the orcs. The Mayor shakes the hand of one of the Orcs and starts the negotiations.
- IBetterCallSaul: One of the orcs has a pet ferret
- MCJROCK Donation: One of the players must talk in the third person.
The lightly blow to Xcena has made it so he only talks in the third person for the next 20 minutes. The mayor makes a deal for some mining equipment and ore in exchange for food.
The Female Orc puts down Bubbles and a Ferret, and the two play together. Ezekiel checks in on Bubbles and finds that the Dog seems eager to get away from the Orcs and is happy to see him.
The Female Orc explains that she plans to eat Bubbles later. Ezekiel claims that bubbles has a debilitating disease and he shouldn't be eaten. The Orc then asks why they gave her a diseased animal. Ezekiel claims it only came to his attention after the Orcs had left yesterday. Ezekiel offers to give her more chickens in exchange for Bubbles to correct this situation. The Orc accepts this deal.
The mayor goes off with the Orcs for a meal. The party visit the village blacksmith, Jason. Jason the blacksmith is just planning on using the ore for regular farm equipment. Ezekiel suggests making some weapons. Jason says it'll take a couple of months for some swords, but a few spearheads in a week or two. For now Jason sharpens Christian's hoe so it is sharp.
- Anonymous Donation: The blacksmith has a 30 second sneezing fit, then falls to the ground unconscious
Bubbles runs into the blacksmith, being chased by the ferret, running around the blacksmith. The blacksmith tries to back up, but gets an allergic reaction, and sneezing violently. Xcena threatens the blacksmith for his personal weapons, but Jeff pushes Xcena against a wall to stop him. The blacksmith takes Xcena's pitchfork and tries to break it over his knee but fails.
Bubbles comes back and the blacksmith passes out from his allergy. Ezekiel picks up Bubbles. The ferret climbs on Ezekiel to get to Bubbles. Ezekiel stabs the ferret with one of his nails to get it to go. The ferret gets off Ezekiel and limbs away. Christian catches up to to the Ferret and treats's it wound.
Xcena goes to loot the blacksmith shop, but Jeff stops him. Jeff reminds Xcena that it is a small village and if me makes one person angry at him, they make the whole village angry at him. Jeff then pushes Xcena out of the shop.
Christian checks up on the passed out Blacksmith, and he is just sleeping. The party head over to see how the trade deal is going, with Jeff making sure that Xcena doesn't sneak away. The Mayor is sitting on a porch with the Orcs having a meal.
One of the orcs falls over, dead, on the ground suddenly. A second Orc starts choking then falls over dead. The other 2 orcs remaining orcs stand to fight.
The 2 orcs attack the mayor, knocking him down with their fists. Xcena goes to fight the orcs to defend the Mayor. Ezekiel inspects the bodies of the dead orcs to find out the cause of death. The dead orcs have a big swelling around their throat and no other injuries. Ezekiel concludes they have been poisoned. Jeff glares at the Mayor as the Orcs knock him unconscious. Jeff intervenes to stop Xcena and apologise the Orcs. The Orcs flee the village.
Jeff points out there will be a retaliation from the Orcs from Xcena. Xcena pretends to care about the Mayor, but ends up stealing a purse of money of 5 gold. Xcena proposes to the party that he take the stolen money and buy their way into power. Jeff points out how pointless that is since there is almost nothing to spend the money on in their Farming Village.
- Eldar Donation: Xcena's work visa has run out and has to go back to Ingland
- Monalfie Donation: Turns out the mayor was secretly a lich.
Since Tyrion Xcena is due back to his homeland of Ingland in a week, he suggests they instead all run away there with the money. Jeff rejects the offer saying he likes it here.
The Mayor then sits up and loudly cracks his neck and stands up. Mr Xcena goes to slap the Mayor, but misses. Ezekiel asks the Mayor what he did. Mayor says he was defending the village from things that the party don't even know about. The Mayor admits that he set the Kobolds up to raid the Orcs in the first place. It was part of a master plan to get the Orcs out of the area and to make the Kobolds friendly. The party are sceptical that the Kobolds will remain friendly, but the Mayor assures the party that the Kobolds are too scared of him to betray them.
Tyrion Xcena says this hostility with the Orcs is entirely the Mayor's fault, then the Mayor shoves Mr Xcena against the wall with super human strength. The Mayor threatens Mr Xcena to make him shut up about the "unfairness" of the situation.
Ezekiel whistles for his dogs then stabs the Mayor in the back of the head with his building nails. The Mayor turns around and looks at Ezekiel calmly, with a look of incredulity. Tyrion Xcena goes to grapple the Mayor, but misses. Christian attacks with his hoe but misses. Bob waits for instructions from Jeff. Jeff is just shock at the way the Mayor is avoiding damage.
- JennyHell Donation: The rusty nail caused the "Mayor" to get tetanus.
- Neal: Sorry JennyHell, that can't happen because of what Monalfie wrote. An alternative suggestion?
- JennyHell Replacement Donation: All the dogs attack Xcena. You can choose when, Neal.
Ezekiel surrenders as Christian keeps attacking. The air around the mayor gets cold, and the Mayor punches Ezekiel with super human strength. Ezekiel surrenders again. The Mayor tells the party to back down, this never happened, and tells them to go back to their homes. The Orcs will be taken care off. The party agreeing with the Mayor, and walk away.
When away from the Mayor, Mr Xcena suggests they go to Ingland again, but this time the rest of the party is more receptive of the idea. The party get supplies from their homes, get a wagon, and flee to towards Ingland.
During the trip Ezekiel asks about Ingland, and Tyrion Xcena explains it is a small peninsula by the northern sea. It has fertile land, and renowned for the strange bush that grows there, Tea Plants. Ezekiel asks about powerful members of the clergy in Ingland who would be able to deal with the Mayor. Ezekiel has heard rumor of some, but doesn't know any in particular.
- ProviD Donation: Ingland and Frunce are at active war?
- Eldar Donation: Frunce surrender
- Anonymous Donation: The next time a party members says "God", a god of Neal's choice manifest itself in some capacity.
The party arrive in Ingland and discovers a giant spider climbing over a building, ripping it apart. Mr Xcena swears to destroy the spider, the rest of the party decide this isn't a good place to fight. The party go around the town.
As the party circle the outside of the town, they see 8 house-sized spiders in total are attacking the town, fighting with the local guards. Suddenly the spiders turn and flee from the town, but they retreat in the direction the party is.
Ezekiel orders his 6 dogs to avoid the spiders, but the dogs misunderstand and attack Xcena. The rest of the party retreat towards some trees to avoid the spiders, but Jeff and Xcena don't get out of the way of the pack of giant spiders as they trample though. Jeff passes out from being trampled. Two dogs also gets knocked unconscious.
- Giblket17 Donation: Whenever a one is rolled by someone, they must reveal an intimate secret about themselves.
Xcena drags Jeff towards the town. Eventually the party get into Ingland. Once in town the party take Jeff and the dogs to the local temple of Martha. The dogs and Jeff are taken care of by the priest. The awake members of the party get a drink in the tavern. The locals says the Spider Attack was from Frunce.
- Monalfie Donation: A man steals the dogs while Ezekiel is drinking at the inn.
- Cerberane Donation: During the night, Mafia tries to kill a PC
Inside the bar Ezekiel asks about any local Paladins and is told about Sir Lafayette at the Temple of Astair. Ezekiel heads over to the Temple of Astair and finds Sir Lafayette. Ezekiel tells Sir Lafayette the Mayor of the Farming Village is a Lich. Sir Lafayette agrees to look into the situation immanently, and thanks Ezekiel for the information.
The party look for work in town while Jeff is still unconscious.
Jeff wakes up and the party have a meeting of their next actions. Ezekiel walks about Sir Lafayette who is gone off to deal with the Lich. The party decide to do some mercenary work.
Xcena goes talk with the Innkeeper and is told people are always looking for a sword for hire, however it appears the party don't even have one sword between them. Each party member talk about their strengths,and Xcena brings up his dogs. The Innkeeper says the local lord is always looking to buy new hunting dogs if they party need money that badly.
- SlightlyObscene Donation: They have a brief run in with a well known PC from another campaign.
Ezekiel goes to collect his 2 dogs from the temple, but finds they were taken a day ago and paid the tab. The party ask about shapeshifts and are cold, and they are told that Vampires fit those clues.
Ezekiel has an audience with the local lord with his 4 remaining dogs. The Lord isn't impressed by the Chihuahuas. Ezekiel asks to prove the worth of the dogs to the Lord. Tyrion Xcena claims the Chihuahuas are twice as fast as a average hound. The Lord asks Xcena to bet a year of indentured servitude to back up that claim again 10,000 gold from the lord. Ezekiel decides to take up the wager, saying this 3-legged dog stumpy could win in a race against a hound of the lord's choosing.
- Anonymous Donation: Stumpy wins the race.
- Monalfie Donation: The lord's dog turns out to be a Hell Hound
The race takes place. One hellhound against Stumpy the 3-Legged Chihuahua. The hellhound is easily winning the entire race until near the end when it spots a hare and runs off. Stumpy then wins the race as the Lord is screaming at his hellhound to get back to racing.
With the race over, the lord tries to talk his way out of paying the 10,000 gold. Jeff locally points out that Stumpy is more well trained than the hellhound. Ezekiel says the lord's reputation is on the line.
The Lord reluctantly collects a bag of platinum coins & gems and gives it to Ezekiel. Ezekiel then announces that his dogs are no longer for sale, then the party leave.
The party go to the blacksmith in town, then Ezekiel pays for armour & weapons for the whole party so they can do some mercenary work.
- Eldar Donation: The Blacksmith has no molds for armor or weapons.
- 2DSoldier Donation: They are robbed of it all by warg riders
- Monalfie Donation: Stumpy the dog is killed in a smelting accident while he is at the smith.
Jeff gets studded leather & a short bow. Ezekiel gets chain-mail & spiked gauntlets. Xcena gets chain-mail &, a longbow & sword. Jeff gets a shortbow. Bob get chain-mail, a war-hammer, & short-sword. Christian gets the field plate & a halberd.
Ezekiel also orders armor for his dogs, but the dog armor will take a month each to make. Ezekiel leaves his dogs in town to get fitted. Xcena goes into a hat boutique for a top hat, but Xcena leaves disgusted after he finds out they only sell baseball hats.
The party, now fully geared, return to the bartender and ask about mercenary work. The bartender says there is a job to deal with the Warg Riders messing with the supply lines. The party accept the job and head off after the warg raiders.
- SlightlyObscene Donation: An almost impossible events gives the party an advantage but not victory
The party spot the orc warg riders in the distance at a camp. The 4 warg riders spot the party and charge them. Jeff gets knocked unconscious and injuring Christian & Ezekiel. Ezekiel punches two Worgs to death, Christian stabs a different Worg, and the two of them injure the last Worg. 2 of the Orcish Warg riders are killed. The last Worg tries to flee, but Xcena shoots down the Worg, pinning it's rider. Christian patches up Jeff.
- JennyHell Donation: It starts raining heavily. IE rainymood.com
- SlightlyObscene Donation: A lightning bold may or may not hit one of them.
- Eldar Donation: One of the looted sword is Possessed by the spirit of overly attached girlfriend
It starts to rain heavy. The party interrogate the last Orc, who reveals they are raiding in order to help the other Orc tribe near the Farming Village. Ezekiel ends the Orc to go free, with a message of no longer raiding. The party then cut off the heads of the other Orcs to hand in for the reward.
Mr Xcena loots the Orcs and ends up picking up a magical sword that speaks inside Xcena's head. The sword claims to be Mr Xcena's girlfriend and demands Mr Xcena treat her better. The rest of the party can't hear the sword and assume Xcena has gone crazy. The sword gets very clingy and talks with Xcena non-stop.
- SlightlyObscene Donation: The sword has multiple personality disorder.
- Science Donation: The spirit of Lord Rawkwon comes back to warn of the sword.
Tyrion Xcena mentions he already has a sword, which makes the Magic Sword mad with jealous, so Xcena drops his old sword to the ground to abandon it. The Magic Sword is pleased until Bob picks up the sword. Bob claims that he'll carry the sword for Mr Xcena. The Sword is so outraged it causes Mr Xcena a headache. Mr Xcena convinces the Magic Sword that Bog is just jealous of her, so he is trying to sabotage their relationship.
The party head back of town with Tyrion Xcena talking with the sword the whole time, with the party unable to hear the sword.
A man riding in blacksmith rides past, see Mr Xcena talking with the sword, says he knows what that is like, then keeps riding away.
The party get back to town and hand in the Orc Heads. They find out that Stumpy has died in the blacksmith due to an accident. Blacksmith offers to give Ezekiel one of the Dog Armors for free as payment.
Xcena asks the blacksmith to inspect his Magical Sword. The blacksmith picks up the sword. After a minute the blacksmith kills himself with the sword.